dreaded dream

i swear that i didnt realised the additional fanservice not after i viewed my own blog. LOL

got this rather weird and yet, nostalgic dream 2 days ago.

it was not long enough did i realised i was actually dreaming about my past.

it had been 4 years ever since that incident happened bah.

i can still remember vividly the aftermath of the incident, u get several fierce glares at you, little chatter whispers right behind you and all....

i used to think then what i did was a righteous deed to do. i used to believe so. it was only the results of what i had done clouded my judgment.

and guess what? it's not because of those glares and unwanted attention and those bad words whispered nor those curses they all planting in me breaks my heart and wallow me in despair...it wasnt all those....

a sentence from my mum, a person who is your guidance in your life, the one who bought you to life, the one who has played an important role in your life was enough to bring me down completely.

am lost in the city of lights, which is the way out? i really wonder

i have no idea whether that was casually came out of her mouth or something, but it really hurts me alot, it's more like pushing me one side and allow myself to get crushed by this problematic society, despite just being an innocent 13 years old teen[i hear hissing sound somewhere, but then again, i digress >_>].

"zhi ji kan zhe ban"[take care all this by your own] was what she said.

i admit, i was rather a teacher's pet then, yes, sometimes a sucker. that's why i "thought" this was the correct thing i did. i thought the only thing my mum would do is to acknowledge what i had done and not run me down like it wasnt her business. in the end this is all i receive. i swear to myself i kept mum to things i did from her. I'm just a young lad then, when my sense of judgment isnt so stable and this is what i got. Can say it's the harsh fact that i had to take, from then on, i had an impression that my mum never understands me.

I dropped a piece of paper that has a list of names at the teacher's pigeon hole or whatever u named it and left, waiting the right punishment to be served to those people who deserved to. [OH, IM SUCH A RIGHTEOUS PERSON, PRAISE ME! *ends sarcasm*]

the next day, everything folded in the way i thought, people was alarmed as i expected...wanting to find the culprit behind all this, when teacher gave bullshit like it was a teacher's doing. obviously that bought the others doubts that this cant be true.

is like, HELLO? they aint fools.

and they found out at the end anyways.

Miku-chan wants you to sing yourself.

2 years later, [yesh, 2 YEARS, that faggot still remembers] some faggot by the acronym of KTS, came to provoke me by taking my book without permission so as a thank you gift[i pull no punches to such fag cause i dun entertain them] i decided to make a tiny wound[with blood~ woots, i love blood, but i dun drink them] at the top of his head.

oblivious with his angry rant, i only caught something like "the one who gave us out during examination" and some smart aleck[oh, another fag. did i mention i dun entertain fags?] came running to me and throw me some gangster look saying like : Look, u had been owned...mwahahaha (probably im exaggerating , but hey, it's along those lines la)

as if i gave a damn, oh please.

it works like magic, after that, i was completely summoned back to reality. Note to self : never sleep more than what i intend to sleep, giving me all this nightmare doesnt make my day looked good :(

im not too sure im mature now, despite being 17 this year. but yea, this gave me a hard lesson in life : FTP guys are so GHEY. i kid you not